What are beige flags?

It’s 2023 so we ALL know what the term “red flag” means when it comes to dating. Red flags equal negative qualities in a potential partner and green flags equal positive attributes - pretty straightforward. But there’s a new term that’s racked up more than 841.3M views on TikTok in the last few months alone and everyone is talking about it: beige flags.

We know what you’re thinking, how can anything described as “beige” possibly be offensive? But that’s kind of the point of a beige flag. It’s not a dealbreaker and it’s definitely not something you find cute and endearing, it’s just kind of an ick. It’s a boring bad habit or weird personality trait that you find personally offensive, that other people might not even notice.

What is a beige flag?

A beige flag is definitely something you’ll be willing to overlook if you like someone, even if it’s odd or annoying. Social media expert and Co-Founder of TikTok agency OK COOL, Jolyon Varley told Cosmoplitan UK, “Beige flags are essentially boring traits, but they’re not deemed as negative like red flags in the eyes of the internet. They’re much more neutral, as their colour suggests. Instead, think of them as an endearingly uninteresting characteristic - something that can be considered both adorable and embarrassing.”

Examples of this we’ve seen include -

“My boyfriend’s beige flag is that he sets timers instead of alarms. It’s midnight and he needs to wake up at 6? He’ll set a six-hour timer”. Now albeit strange and food for thought, this is not a deal breaker.

“My fiancé’s beige flag is that he doesn’t like to eat dinner in silence. He will google ‘couples questions’ or ‘relationships quiz” and ask me the most random yet intimate questions in a room full of people as if we’re in our own world.”

Though these behaviours range from slightly unhinged to goofy and cute, they’re not exactly problematic, and using TikTok to make fun of them seems pretty harmless and sweet.

Do beige flags matter?

So, what’s the hype behind the trending hashtag? Is it just a silly phrase behind a bunch of viral TikTok videos, or is there more to it than that? “Many singles emerged from the pandemic with a clearer sense of priorities and goals. The idea of playing games became less appealing, and modern daters have shown that they're putting greater emphasis on self-care and value-driven dating,” says Amber Brooks, editor in chief of DatingAdvice.

“The #beigeflag trend is part of that.” says Brooks. “It's no longer cool to write people off with a quick swipe, yes or no. Those who subscribe to beige flags realise that not everything needs to be an instant dealbreaker.”

These days it seems like every little one of our behaviours has a therapy-speak or social media-inspired buzzword attached to it. And that’s all a beige flag really is - a way to describe the little things that bug us, but that aren’t enough to turn us off someone completely.

Life coach Michelle Elman told Cosmopolitan, “I would be wary of labelling people with green, red and beige flags because it means we label and segment the people we are dating.”

What's the difference between a beige flag and a real problem?

The only time cute buzzwords aren't cute is when we're using them to diminish or describe very real situations that are actually making our lives difficult. You might laugh off a guy's behaviour with your friends by saying, "oh he's so toxic" or "his beige flag is that he never texts me back". But be careful not to apply trending terms to things that actually impact you negatively.

“If something does bother you, you should speak to your partner about it.” says Elman. “Communication means you can voice your discontent and not let it fester. It is also important though to question why something bothers you. This is important for self-reflection and to make sure you aren't projecting your own issues onto your partner.”

“If you spend enough time with a person, it is normal that at times they will annoy you but that doesn't always mean they should change, at times, it means you should accept the person in front of you, with all their quirks and even annoyances."

So there you have it. A beige flag is no reason for alarm, and that's exactly why it's pretty much okay to call someone out on what you think theirs is. Because, well, they're beige and boring and probably part of the reason you like the person too.