It's proven that masturbation can be good for your health and it feels great too, but is there ever a scenario where you're masturbating *too* much? Well, there’s some evidence to show overdoing it can actually be quite harmful – and we’re not just talking about chafing.
According to experts, addiction to masturbation can lead to job loss, debt, anxiety, depression and attachment issues. And, like other addictions, this one can be quite awkward to talk about, especially for women. But how much really is too much when it comes to masturbation?
“Essentially it comes down to the fact that you’re masturbating more frequently than you would want to," says Relate counsellor, Peter Saddington. "Some people have a natural desire to masturbate more than others, but it starts to become a problem if you are trying to stop doing it but you can’t, or you’re getting sore and yet you still do it. I think women are less likely to seek help or talk about it.”
Here, Peter explains there are 11 common signs that your masturbation habit is an addiction.
1. You’re masturbating even when it’s risky
You may be so desperate to masturbate that you’re doing it in places you shouldn’t. Getting caught by your partner, at work, or in a public place could have really serious consequences, and even lead to a criminal record. Peter says, "If you’re finding that your desire is outweighing your risk radar, it might be time to seek help."
2. You’re doing it even when you don’t feel sexual
Feeling like you need to masturbate even when you aren’t enjoying it or feeling sexual could be a worrying sign. It might even indicate that you have attachment issues, says Peter. “You can get into a pattern where you’re seeking to be sexual more frequently as a way of feeling loved.” You might then begin to think it’ll make you feel better, even if it doesn’t last very long.
3. You’re masturbating more than usual
If it’s taking up all your time and energy or you’re feeling like you need to do it way more than you usually do, that could be a sign of addiction. “Some people report that they’ve masturbated from four to seven times a day,” says Peter. People with an addiction will often spend hours upon hours on the Internet searching for the fuel to feed their unsatisfied fire, he adds.
4. You feel guilty after doing it
Masturbating and pleasure should come hand in hand. The feeling of shame and guilt post-session could be a sign that things aren’t right. If negative emotions become associated with masturbation, you could end up feeling strange and different, causing you to isolate yourself from others.
5. It’s become a way of managing your negative moods
Some addicts use masturbation as a way to block out stress or manage their feelings. If you’ve experienced some form of trauma in your life, Peter suggests masturbation can act as a distraction or coping mechanism."If you're addicted to self-pleasure, for a period of time it’s like you're in a bubble - there’s a build-up and release so you feel calm and relaxed afterwards.”
6. You don’t want to do it anymore
… and yet you find yourself masturbating. Addiction is not how much you’re doing it, but instead your ability to stop if you want to. If you’ve made a conscious decision not to do it anymore but can’t help touching yourself, it could indicate that masturbating has become a need rather than a want.
7. You're spending a lot on pornography
(Some) porn is great, but overuse of expensive sites could end up costing you a small fortune and even land you in debt. Be careful not to let your addiction break the bank.
8. Sex doesn’t feel the same
You may have gone off sex with your partner because you’ve already masturbated and just don’t feel the urge anymore, or you’re finding that sex with a partner doesn’t fulfil you in the same way. Basically, if it's coming between you and your S/O, this is a major warning sign.
9. You're preoccupied and restless
Does your mood appear different? And do you often feel preoccupied and defensive because you’re hiding your addiction? Peter says you’re likely to be tired and restless because you're spending all your time overthinking masturbating, which takes your mind away from other, more important things.
10. You’re staying in to masturbate rather than socialising
Choosing your laptop and your hand over going out and meeting people is worrying and may have links with social anxiety, Peter explains. Sometimes it can feel easier to stay in and escape from it all rather than go out and socialise. "Often this can become a vicious circle," he adds.
11. It’s lowering your self-esteem
If constantly masturbating is knocking your confidence because you’re feeling bad about what you’re doing but don’t know how to stop, it's likely you're addicted. Masturbation addiction can even exaggerate mental health problems like anxiety and depression, especially if it leads to something like a job loss. “You can feel different and more damaged than everybody else around you which reinforces the original problem,” Peter says.
What you can do
Masturbation addiction can be treated by attending sex addict anonymous groups, accessing self-help or going to group therapy, which Peter believes is the most effective way of overcoming an addiction. It works by normalising the issue, supporting the individual and working together within the group until they have overcome the addiction.
If you need help or advice, you can find your nearest Relate centre here or chat online to one of their counsellors.
